Highly Favored

When I err along the way, whether doing a project for my wife, kids, and grandchildren, or just working around the house, I am quick to condemn my exploits if they fall short of my expectations, because I am so detail oriented. 

A critical spirit of perfection was inherently passed down to me from my father.  Try as I may to escape this burdensome personality, it raises its ugly head with much provocation when I fail to achieve perfection on any undertaking or when attempting something that I have never tackled before; that which is beyond my expertise.

My obsession for excellence reminds me of people that are addicted to some sort of vice and finding it hard to stop their compulsive behavior.  I find, at time, that it is easy to fall into a rut of finding fault with not only myself, but with everything and everyone around me. 

By giving into this chronic obsession, I someway override the coping mechanism that God instills in all humans to combat this type of character trait.  Those nearest me have to put up with my behavior when things go wrong, which is not pleasing to them or God.

I am a “Jack of all trades and master of none” kind of guy; not afraid to undertake or embark upon things that others shy away from.  I am hard on myself and in some cases should have had experts in the field do what they do best rather than me becoming frustrated with myself when things don’t go as I think they should when tackling the project myself. 

I am hardheaded and obstinate at times, because of my lack of fear to take on things that I should leave alone.  Perhaps the words, “a lack of good judgment” spells my middle name when venturing into the unknowns of mechanics or other trades.  My dad did likewise. 

In my personal realm of self-sufficiency, I seldom suffer the “agony of defeat” saga.  I see my ventures through to completion, but I am convinced that people who know me best call some of my endeavors idiotic; having a taste for self-torment, though not saying it to my face.  My accomplishments are closely associated with trying to save money.  Or is it?  It is probably my personality more than anything else.  

I usually can find a way to accomplish what I started out doing, but at what cost?  After forty-three years of marriage, my wife has learned to just leave me alone on these projects, because of the frustration that fills the air when perfection struggles to make its appearance.

In trying to save labor costs by doing projects myself, I am harder on me than I ought to be.  Those that enjoy the end results of my efforts in doing something nice for them are always appreciative, but my critical eye picks up on my shortcomings rather than seeing the end product for what it is; a jester of love rather than a labor of imperfect abilities.

My dad was a man with a critical spirit and short tempered at times.  Rather than building one’s confidence pertaining to their individual abilities, he always, without fail, pointed out the lack and not the beauty of whatever it was I attempted to do when growing up.

Looking back, I believe that he meant well when pointing out the negatives.  I am sure he had his way of seeing things and how they should be addressed, but I am sorry to say that he lacked the capacity or capability to show love with words.  Perhaps he was raised in this type of environment; I don’t know; he never talked about his past.

The philosophy or mindset that Dad would exude, while raising four children, was his desire for us to not be content with the status quo, but to rise above the temptation to accept things at face value.  He wanted us to strive, beyond excess, for heights of perfection in everything that we set our minds to do; at least in my state of affairs when growing up.  I cannot speak for my siblings. 

There is nothing wrong with this philosophy, but it leaves little room for the acceptance of imperfection in oneself or in others, especially when all that a child hears when growing up is the continuous programming of perfection and the importance that achieving it has in a person’s life. 

When I entered the workforce in my freshman year of high school, I remember Dad saying, “You’ve got to be a little better than the next guy in order to stay.”  He was referring to work ethics and working harder than those around me by giving 10 hours worth of manual labor for 8 hours pay. 

No doubt this was great advice, and I excelled when I put it into practice, but it becomes a fine line between over-zealousness vs. doing the best you can with the hours given, which most bosses expect.

Another bit of advice that Dad drove home to me was that a worker should never rest on a shovel handle with their hands at the top, because it tells the boss at a glance, and even at a distance, that they are slacking off and not working. 

He pointed out many considerations of how to safeguard my employment, but the one thought that stands out most is when he exclaimed, “You never know when a boss is somewhere watching the men work.  If you have to go to the outhouse, act like you know where you’re going and don’t drag your heels.  Get the job done and get back to work!” 

It was all good advice, which helped me to be an excellent employee, but there comes a time in every kid’s life that a complement now and then offsets the things that a parent or guardian consider paramount as they go on and on about issues that the child has heard at nausea. 

Children love to be praised, which I have endeavored to give to my three children.  In my opinion, an “Atta boy” comment should always accompany a “Go-get-um” type attitude of a parent.  This builds self-esteem and places perfection in proper balance with the negative and positive scenarios that come our way.

One-sided teaching of the how-to elements in life, without the introduction of reasonable expectations of oneself, can cause a person to focus on their imperfections rather than their worth.  As a result, I consider my talents and efforts to always fall short of perfection when doing something, no matter how hard I try to do it right.  I lack favor with my own subconscious psyche and am seldom happy with the end results, because it could have been just a little better.

It was not until recently, while reading (Luke 1:26-38) that my attitude began to shift from being hard on myself to accepting me for who I am and the person that God loves.  I realized that the downside of expecting perfection need not govern my level of happiness or my state of mind.

I caught a glimpse of God’s love toward Mary when the angel, Gabriel, came to her and said, “Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!”  (Luke 1:28).  

The message that the angel presented to Mary was regarding the birth of Jesus, the Son of God.  She was chosen to bring forth the Savior of mankind, because she was highly favored of God.

Though I may not have considered myself highly favored regarding my carpenter skills or mechanical abilities, I thought, “If Mary was highly favored; I too must be favored of God, because I'm His child."  The light of understanding illuminated my mind.  I concluded that He accepts me for the person that I am becoming in Christ Jesus. 

You know the saying, “Inch by inch, anything’s a cinch.”  This is a true statement if a person truly wants something bad enough.  I want to change and I refuse to yearn for or crave perfection any longer.  I decline the notion to allow it to rule my life like a person addicted to alcohol, narcotics, or sexual immorality. 

With this being said, each morning when I arise from bed I say these words, “I am highly favored of the Lord.”  These 7 words, God’s perfect number, are revolutionizing my daily thought process and I am slowly putting off my old nature.  I no longer desire perfection through my own strength, because I already have God’s perfection in me—His Son.  I am highly favored, and how I know this, God gave His Son to die on the cross for me.  Wow!  What a revelation!

God is molding me into His likeness, whereas, the emotional side of my intellect is taking on a broader understanding of His grace that set me free from the bondage of sin and self-condemnation.  He loves me deeply and is always with me as He was with Mary. 

I too am highly favored as she; not comparing me to her by any means, but knowing that I am someone special to God is life changing.  With this truth finding its way past my intellect into the innermost part of my being, I realize more each day just how much He cares for me and wants me to be happy with myself. 

I am ceasing to listen to the voices in my head saying, “You don’t measure up.”  I do measure up in the eyes of God, because of who Jesus Christ is.  I am highly favored of Him and have become perfect through His death, resurrection, and obedience to God. 

My righteousness is as filthy rags in the sight of God without Jesus being my Lord and Savior.  God now sees me through the blood that Jesus shed on the cross for my sins—bringing perfection to my life.  In that I am now God’s child, the Bible tells me that I can do all things through Him, while being a recipient of His unconditional love. 

(Philippians 4:13), “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Mary was living a godly life; a young woman that strove to live according to the Ten Commandments.  When the angel came to her and delivered the message from God that she was going to give birth to the Son of God, she responded, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord!  Let it be to me according to your word.”  (Luke 1:38)

I know God is with me; helping me to put off the old nature of expecting perfection in myself and others.  Do I get upset when I fail to come up to my expectations?  I am now conscious that change is important and that I can do so through the help of the Holy Spirit. 

I am becoming less and less vindictive and more accepting and content, seeing as it is finally sinking in that I am highly favored of God and that I do not have to expect perfection as long as I follow after His statutes.

As a child learning to walk for the first time, I am taking baby steps to implement a new philosophy of living, a new beginning as it were.  I am determined to not allow my desire for perfection to rule.  I am seeing a change in my mental stability regarding the challenges that I face. 

I came to God with all of my questions and hang-ups, and one by one He is helping me to cope and rise above my fears, anxieties, and frustrations, because I am highly favored of the Lord.

Written by,

Papa Boyd