I have heard the statement, “I am who I am and I can’t change,” so many
times that it annoys me when I hear it… usually spoken by me through the years.
How can a self-centered, egotistical person change their spots or
stripes, as it were? How can they become
something other than what their environment, status, or self-worth has
indelibly printed upon their psyche. The
way they think or see things from their prospective is life as they interpret
it. Is this not true? So, how can they change?
Self-help books may help, but they can only provide avenues whereby an
individual can detour from their way of living if they have the intestinal
fortitude to do so. It takes hard work
and determination, but the percentage of failed attempts is high.
I believe the success rate of changing one’s personality runs a close
second to New Year resolutions. People
join health spas and gyms, buy expensive, exercise equipment, and begin a
regiment of starvation diets of the latest craze, hoping to improve their self-worth
and lifestyle.
With the full intension of making positive health changes as their
goal, if the newness of the experience wears off, old habits begin to creep
back into the picture. It is not long
before the light of determination begins to dim, and strength of mind and willpower
fade into frustration.
The exercise equipment finds its way to the garage and soon,
thereafter, a garage sale. The burgers
and fast food restaurants, again, become commonplace. The absence of follow-through and maintaining
a made-up mind begin to wane.
For the most part, people are weak within themselves. “I am who I am and I can’t change,” haunts
them, which is an ongoing force that cripples the ability to dream and continue
with aspirations for success.
I dare not say that change is impossible, because it is. It is dependent upon the individual and their
frame of mind with relation to follow-through and positive thinking.
Success stories do happen, and I give kudos to those that achieve
realistic goals. It takes sacrifice and
denying self. There are those that
accomplish what they have dreamed, because of the determination within them.
I remember, as a young man in my twenties, wanting to change my
personality from a self-centered, I don’t care type of person, to that of a
caring, peace-loving man, which did not include God in the mix. I refused to embrace Him in the wheelhouse of
my success story. He was beyond the
visual horizon of my desires, because I thought it meant giving up everything
having to do with fun in the sun, figuratively speaking.
Try as I may, the old nature kept creeping back like an old habit—a non
quenchable thirst that could not be satisfied.
Various things were tried to satisfy the thirst, but to no avail. My old personality refused to submit to a new
way of facing tomorrow’s challenges. The
unrest and turbulence inside me choked all ambition of finding happiness. What I needed most was peace of mind.
The prospective of opening the door that separated darkness from light had
swollen shut, because of the dank surroundings I occupied for years. Hope was seemingly just beyond my reach; the
other side of the closed door that my weakened state denied me the ability to
open.
How long must I try to walk into the light via my own strength; my own
abilities; my own self-will? Hope was eluding
me, because I wanted it my way, without God; without commitment to His Son,
Jesus; without forgiveness of sin.
In my weakened state I concluded that it was God’s way or no way at
all. Though I tried to find peace in the
things of this world, nothing satisfied.
Trying to give up this and that acerbated the problem, which resulted in
deeper, more frustrating failures to rise above the entrapment that bound me in
darkness.
The lack of light affected me physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. Relying on self to try and
manipulate inner emotions caused me to fall deeper and deeper into a state of
depression rather than rising above the mind-set that I was drowning in. I was running from God, even though I knew He
must be the answer to my longings.
My journey was wearisome, because lasting peace evaded my reach on
every turn, while sinking into the mire of self-indulgent living. An up and down roller coaster ride was my
plight with little hope for success in sight.
I could not contrive to bring about objectivity by deliberate use of
learned skills and cleverness. The use
of cunning devices to trick or deceive others, to lure them into my web of
loneliness, worked, but in the end, all of my shrewd tactics left me feeling
desperate, inadequate, and incompetent… and yes, alone.
I was drinking from a filthy cup filled with the dregs of riotous
living. Self-help schemes failed;
positive thinking failed, and self-will tactics failed, just like the New Year
resolutions I had made. I exhausted all
means by which I thought happiness could be found and was none the wiser or
closer to finding answers than the years prior.
Finally, when all else had failed and my mind resolved that nothing on
earth could take away the longing in my heart except Jesus, I turned my eyes
upward, not to gaze at the ceiling of my apartment bedroom or light fixture
hanging there, I yearned for a brighter light that would brighten my day and
shed light on my pathway ahead.
(Psalm 119:105) “Your word is a
lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
The light of the world was knocking at my heart’s door—Jesus
Christ. I could almost hear Him whispering,
“Cast all of your cares upon Me, because I care for you.” The rest that I was searching for was just
beyond the closed barrier.
(Matthew 11:28) “Come to Me, all
you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
At a crossroads, I could see that the road I was on lead to
destruction—sin and degradation. It was
wide with many pitfalls along the way.
The path to my right was straight and narrow, leading to an abundant life
filled with peace and satisfaction—the way to God Almighty.
I am thankful that I chose God’s way and asked Him to forgive me of my
sins. Jesus became Lord and Savior the
moment I invited Him in. The new path is
brightly illuminated by the glory of His righteousness. Jesus is the Light of the world. Through His sacrifice, only, can a person
experience eternal life in heaven.
My way was made clear when the light of God’s love opened my blinded
eyes. No longer do I walk in darkness,
or fear what tomorrow may bring. God
gave me strength to open the door that separated me from His Son, because of
love. (John 3:16)
(Revelation 3:20) “Behold, I
stand at the door and knock. If anyone
hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and
he with Me.”
I’m just a sinner saved by grace.
Jesus changed my way of thinking and gave me hope that I never had. My flaws are becoming less and less numerous,
because the Holy Spirit is my strength who helps me accomplish goals and
overcome the temptation to fall back into yesterday’s habits.
It feels wonderful to possess the quality of having strong, moral
principles; honesty and decency. God
will do the same for you. Just open the
door and allow The Light to dispel
all darkness around you.
(2 Corinthians 5:17) “Therefore,
if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away;
behold, all things have become new.”
Written by,
Papa Boyd
