The Light

I have heard the statement, “I am who I am and I can’t change,” so many times that it annoys me when I hear it… usually spoken by me through the years.

How can a self-centered, egotistical person change their spots or stripes, as it were?  How can they become something other than what their environment, status, or self-worth has indelibly printed upon their psyche.  The way they think or see things from their prospective is life as they interpret it.  Is this not true?  So, how can they change?

Self-help books may help, but they can only provide avenues whereby an individual can detour from their way of living if they have the intestinal fortitude to do so.  It takes hard work and determination, but the percentage of failed attempts is high.

I believe the success rate of changing one’s personality runs a close second to New Year resolutions.  People join health spas and gyms, buy expensive, exercise equipment, and begin a regiment of starvation diets of the latest craze, hoping to improve their self-worth and lifestyle.

With the full intension of making positive health changes as their goal, if the newness of the experience wears off, old habits begin to creep back into the picture.  It is not long before the light of determination begins to dim, and strength of mind and willpower fade into frustration. 

The exercise equipment finds its way to the garage and soon, thereafter, a garage sale.  The burgers and fast food restaurants, again, become commonplace.  The absence of follow-through and maintaining a made-up mind begin to wane. 

For the most part, people are weak within themselves.  “I am who I am and I can’t change,” haunts them, which is an ongoing force that cripples the ability to dream and continue with aspirations for success.

I dare not say that change is impossible, because it is.  It is dependent upon the individual and their frame of mind with relation to follow-through and positive thinking.    

Success stories do happen, and I give kudos to those that achieve realistic goals.  It takes sacrifice and denying self.  There are those that accomplish what they have dreamed, because of the determination within them.

I remember, as a young man in my twenties, wanting to change my personality from a self-centered, I don’t care type of person, to that of a caring, peace-loving man, which did not include God in the mix.  I refused to embrace Him in the wheelhouse of my success story.  He was beyond the visual horizon of my desires, because I thought it meant giving up everything having to do with fun in the sun, figuratively speaking.

Try as I may, the old nature kept creeping back like an old habit—a non quenchable thirst that could not be satisfied.  Various things were tried to satisfy the thirst, but to no avail.  My old personality refused to submit to a new way of facing tomorrow’s challenges.  The unrest and turbulence inside me choked all ambition of finding happiness.  What I needed most was peace of mind.

The prospective of opening the door that separated darkness from light had swollen shut, because of the dank surroundings I occupied for years.  Hope was seemingly just beyond my reach; the other side of the closed door that my weakened state denied me the ability to open.

How long must I try to walk into the light via my own strength; my own abilities; my own self-will?  Hope was eluding me, because I wanted it my way, without God; without commitment to His Son, Jesus; without forgiveness of sin.

In my weakened state I concluded that it was God’s way or no way at all.  Though I tried to find peace in the things of this world, nothing satisfied.  Trying to give up this and that acerbated the problem, which resulted in deeper, more frustrating failures to rise above the entrapment that bound me in darkness.

The lack of light affected me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Relying on self to try and manipulate inner emotions caused me to fall deeper and deeper into a state of depression rather than rising above the mind-set that I was drowning in.  I was running from God, even though I knew He must be the answer to my longings.

My journey was wearisome, because lasting peace evaded my reach on every turn, while sinking into the mire of self-indulgent living.  An up and down roller coaster ride was my plight with little hope for success in sight.

I could not contrive to bring about objectivity by deliberate use of learned skills and cleverness.  The use of cunning devices to trick or deceive others, to lure them into my web of loneliness, worked, but in the end, all of my shrewd tactics left me feeling desperate, inadequate, and incompetent… and yes, alone.

I was drinking from a filthy cup filled with the dregs of riotous living.  Self-help schemes failed; positive thinking failed, and self-will tactics failed, just like the New Year resolutions I had made.  I exhausted all means by which I thought happiness could be found and was none the wiser or closer to finding answers than the years prior.

Finally, when all else had failed and my mind resolved that nothing on earth could take away the longing in my heart except Jesus, I turned my eyes upward, not to gaze at the ceiling of my apartment bedroom or light fixture hanging there, I yearned for a brighter light that would brighten my day and shed light on my pathway ahead.

(Psalm 119:105) “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

The light of the world was knocking at my heart’s door—Jesus Christ.  I could almost hear Him whispering, “Cast all of your cares upon Me, because I care for you.”  The rest that I was searching for was just beyond the closed barrier.  

(Matthew 11:28) “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

At a crossroads, I could see that the road I was on lead to destruction—sin and degradation.  It was wide with many pitfalls along the way.  The path to my right was straight and narrow, leading to an abundant life filled with peace and satisfaction—the way to God Almighty. 

I am thankful that I chose God’s way and asked Him to forgive me of my sins.  Jesus became Lord and Savior the moment I invited Him in.  The new path is brightly illuminated by the glory of His righteousness.  Jesus is the Light of the world.  Through His sacrifice, only, can a person experience eternal life in heaven.

My way was made clear when the light of God’s love opened my blinded eyes.  No longer do I walk in darkness, or fear what tomorrow may bring.  God gave me strength to open the door that separated me from His Son, because of love.  (John 3:16)

(Revelation 3:20) “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”

I’m just a sinner saved by grace.  Jesus changed my way of thinking and gave me hope that I never had.  My flaws are becoming less and less numerous, because the Holy Spirit is my strength who helps me accomplish goals and overcome the temptation to fall back into yesterday’s habits.

It feels wonderful to possess the quality of having strong, moral principles; honesty and decency.  God will do the same for you.  Just open the door and allow The Light to dispel all darkness around you.

(2 Corinthians 5:17) “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

Written by,
Papa Boyd