Prior to becoming a Christian in January, 1969, the words, “Is this all there is in life?” pounded inside my brain. On that special night when I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, I gave up the things that brought confusion and discontentment into my life. They had held me captive for years until Jesus set me free and placed a new zest for living inside me.
Before peace found lodging in my heart and I allowed the Lord to help me rise above self-indulgent living, I was grasping for truth and rational thinking, but they eluded me. I was confused and listening to the lies that Satan was telling me. He is the great deceiver and father of lies, but “Truth”—Jesus—was waiting patiently for me to recognize my need for Him.
God wanted to fill me with His Spirit, but until I was ready to submit to His plan for my life and ask Him for help, I suffered pangs of an emotional roller coaster, because of my stubbornness. I rejected the notion of surrendering my willpower to God’s interfering ways. I thought, “I’ve made it this far on my own. I don’t need Him to tell me what to do!”
Sin was like an albatross around my neck. It was not only a burden; it was the source of distress. I was insistent on making my own way, learning by my own mistakes, and leaning on my abilities to get things done without accepting help from anyone—especially God.
I considered myself most capable of achieving whatever I set my mind to do. My attitude was, “If I can’t do it, it can’t be done.” I was independent with thoughts like, “I don’t need people and I don’t need God.”
Slowly, sin was taking its toll both mentally and physically. Spiritually, I was a wreck. I was burning the candle at both ends; finding myself more dissatisfied with life with each passing day. Every day a battle raged within me to find something to feel good about. I was spinning out of control in an ever narrowing spiral of despair; looking for something, anything, to bring me happiness, but it evaded my grasp.
I hadn’t plummeted into total dismay, but was moving quickly toward that pit. It wasn’t that I was destitute, on skid row with no place to call home; nor was I pan handling to buy my next meal. I hadn’t hit rock bottom, or eating out of garbage cans, while living in a cardboard box under a freeway overpass; but it was only a matter of time that my world would have crashed around me had I not found the Lord when I did.
I had a job, money in the bank, a new car, girlfriends, and a closet full of the latest style clothing, but I was spiritually bankrupt, and my health was feeling the affects of sin.
My friends viewed me as successful, because they measured success by the number of expensive toys a person owned. My ability to buy just about anything I wanted painted a picture in their eyes that I was at the top of my game. They didn’t know I would have traded all of my worldly goods for peace of mind, and paid money to anyone that pointed me in the direction of true happiness; but no-one did, so I had none.
Although material things were plentiful, I could not find contentment, satisfaction, or joy in any of these possessions. I was living a mainstream high in the eyes of others, but behind closed doors, where no-one could see me, I lived a skid row existence. I couldn’t be more miserable when the highs subsided and the music stopped playing.
Again, that tormenting thought re-occurred, “Is this all there is in life?” I was walking on thin ice that was ready to break at any moment. The weight of life’s pressures was pressing down on my tired shoulders. I wanted to throw up my hands and surrender.
I can remember sitting at the kitchen table pouring a shot of whisky, trying to drown my sorrow. I was looking for answers, but the bottle was certainly the wrong place to find them. Something was missing, but I couldn’t establish what it was. Momentary pleasures were everywhere, but nothing lasting.
Relationships with female friends became void of meaning and substance. They were only a means to an end, which added to my frustration, confusion, and unquenchable thirst for something more. “Is this all there is in life?” The message kept playing over and over in my perplexed mind as I lit a cigarette and poured another drink.
In my quest for meaningful, lasting joy, the things that I thought would bring it only enslaved me to the temporal things that I had surrounded myself with. Peace was no-where to be found—hopelessness followed me everywhere. Nothing that I amassed to myself or people I met could bring peace and contentment to my starving soul.
What was missing? Why couldn’t I find what I wanted? Would I ever be content or happy? Try as I may to achieve satisfaction, things did not work for me. Again those words loomed inside my head, “Is this all there is in life?”
Sin was becoming second nature to me. The deeper I transgressed against God, the heavier my burden became. It seemed that I was drowning in a quagmire of self-destructive behavior that I had created for myself.
If someone had told me a year prior that I would be involved in the things I was caught up in, I would have said they were crazy. This is how sin deceives and destroys a person. It pulls them into its clutches through enticement, yet fails to reveal what the end result brings.
I disliked people and mistreated them. I was self-centered, self-reliant, and lonely. I entertained self-destructive thoughts, because I felt alone even in a crowed room. I had reached a place in life that when I laid my head on a pillow at night, tears would course down my cheeks, because sadness and misery haunted me.
I knew where my soul was headed if I was to die in my sleep, yet another prompting flooded my mind, “Is this all there is in life?” Satan was not only trying to destroy my physical body; he wanted my soul in hell.
I didn’t know myself anymore. The person I saw looking back at me in the mirror was a total stranger. I didn’t recognize this person. I only saw what sin had turned him into; a miserable old man in his late twenties.
I tried changing my selfish nature and sinful ways, but failed in the attempts, time after time. I needed someone else to organize my life and help me find myself. I was lost. I figured that a good woman might be the answer so I began my exhaustive search for the perfect companion; a sole mate to settle me down.
The search for the woman of my dreams was fruitless and painful. My patience grew thin. Irritated and filled with anger, I remember shouting in frustration, “Why can’t I find her!” as I threw my keys across the room.
Instead of looking in places that could perhaps yield positive results, I was looking in bars, going to parties, and even cruising the main in a nearby city hoping to find her, but to no avail. Again those words crept into my head, “Is this all there is in life?”
I finally admitted to myself that I needed help from someone other than me, but who? Was there anyone I knew that might know where to find the girl I wanted? “Wait. I know someone that knows.” I murmured. I hadn’t talked to God in years; since I was a child in Sunday school, but I felt that if anyone knew where she was, He did.
I knelt by my bed that lonely night and prayed this simple prayer. “You know where she’s at! Send her to me!” Out of no-where, a Bible verse that I had learned as a child came rushing back into my mind from the far recesses of my memory. It was one of the scriptures that I had learned in Sunday school.
The Sunday school teacher called them memory verses. She rewarded each child a special prize if they memorized a verse each week. I hadn’t thought of it in years. Why was this scripture coming back to me now? I believe that God planned it this way. He allowed unpleasant circumstances to happen in my life to show me of my need for Christ. After all, circumstances brought me to my knees.
(Matthew 6:33), “But seek first the kingdom of God
God was telling me through this scripture that if I put Him first in my life; above all things rather than last, He would bless me with not only peace, joy, fulfillment in living, and happiness, He could bring the companion that I was longing for into my life.
I was at a crossroad. I could continue down the wide road to destruction, with all its heartache and unrest, or choose a new direction; the straight and narrow path that leads to everlasting life. I chose life.
God took the heavy burden that I was carrying and set me free. I felt the ton of weight that was pressing down on me being lifted off of my shoulders. I literally took a deep breath and said, “I can breathe,” as the bondage of sin lifted. I experienced the wonderful indwelling of God’s Spirit as He took up residence within my soul.
In a moment of time things were different. I knew they were different, because I felt alive and well. I knew immediately that I had passed from death unto life through Jesus Christ. I was a new creation, because God forgave me of my sins when I asked Jesus into my heart. That night I became a child of God.
(2 Corinthians 5:17-19), “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” vs.18 “Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,” vs.19 “that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.”
The words I now hear in my mind are, “I am all you need in life!” rather than, “Is this all there is in life.” One by one my needs and desires have been met. I found what my soul was searching for. His name is Jesus, the Son of the Living God. And yes, He brought me my soul mate, and entrusted her to my care. God has given me everything I could ever hope for and more.
God will do the same for you. His love is greater than any problem, situation, or habit that may be buffeting you. Please, give Jesus a chance to prove how much He loves you. The next few moments will change the rest of your life. Bow your head and cast all of your cares upon the Lord. Receive Him into your heart. Allow Jesus to heal you from the inside out.
Written by,
Papa Boyd
No comments:
Post a Comment