What About Me

A wise man, rich in years, once told me that there are two kinds of people—givers and takers.  He was reminiscing past acquaintances that crossed his path and the ventures that he encountered riding the rails from Illinois to California as a boy.

My friend was a survivor, having run away from an orphanage at the age of thirteen; on his own in a big world.  The lack of adult supervision and love influenced his ability to make wise choices in his youth, which brought heartache and loneliness. 

Self educated and confident in his own abilities to “get along,” he made his way through life doing just that, getting along by whatever means necessary.  He used and manipulated people to such a degree that when they saw him coming they turned and went the other way.  They were tired of being used and taken advantage of.

Whatever it took to make it in life, he did; caring little about the effects his antics had on others.  He was out for one person and that person was himself.  He was a taker and good at what he did.  But his lifestyle was not without pain.  It was one of emptiness and sadness—alone in a crowd.

It wasn’t until he met someone who was very important, with power and position, that change took place in his life.  This person’s powerful influence on my friend’s life caused him to restructure his value system starting with his own personality.  He changed from the taker that he was to a giver.  He found that by giving away from himself rather than taking, it brought dividends more wonderful than anything he had experienced here to fore.

He now walked with contentment and peace, knowing that this newfound friend had given him a precious gift, the knowledge that it is more blessed to give than to receive.  Freedom from the curse of taking can be achieved when any person opens their mind and heart to the same person that helped my friend to change.  His name is Jesus, God’s only begotten Son. 

The world is in a sad state of affairs, literally crying out for help.  Jesus helps us to look beyond our own station in life to see the needs of others and then doing something about it.  My friend found the joy that giving brings.  He learned to love people without dissimulation or ulterior motives.  This changed man considered others before his own needs; a new life that he was experiencing in his golden years.

We can liken a person that’s a taker to that of a demanding, self centered child that thinks only of their own desires first, and placing heavy demands on most everyone around them.  Their natural born instinct is self preservation.  “Drop everything and come running!” is their cry.  You know what I’m talking about.

We endeavor to please and satisfy their immature behaviors, because we understand that it is just their nature of being a child.  They don’t know any better; but when does immaturity fade and maturity show up?  When an adult acts this way, something’s wrong.  They are either mentally unstable or they have learned to take.

There are those that struggle with this concept of growing up and maturing.  Giving vs. taking is a problem for them.  They have not yet matured in their thinking and sometimes never do.  Much like a child, they expect everything to revolve around the world they have created for themselves.  Though adults, they seldom give from themselves to others.  If they do, it is with an ulterior motive in mind.  They are not happy unless they themselves are at the center of attention. 

An example of this is when another person is recognized and honored for their achievements, without fail, the self-centered person creates some kind of commotion to draw the attention away from the other person to them.

I believe in some cases these people are not aware of what they are doing, because they have lived their whole life expecting and having people cater to their emotional needs.  They believe the sun rises and sets in their backyard only. 

They may take on the appearance of being sensitive and sensible, but they carry their feelings on their sleeve.  Their attitude is like the following statements:  “What about me?”  “Doesn’t anyone care what I’m going through?”  “What about my needs?”  These people feel alone when facing any kind of dilemma; not able to cope without someone intervening on their behalf. 

Takers are quick to pass judgment and most often cast snide remarks in the direction of others with whom they feel have offended them or rejected their company.  Loved ones and friends are not immune from this type of behavior.  In fact, they are usually on the receiving end of unpleasant situations, or I should say, giving end.  It’s all about the taker’s needs and how everyone has wronged them. 

They fail to recognize that they are to blame for the predicament they found themselves in, but they cast blame on others when in fact the problem lies with them.  They expect friends and family members to stop what they are doing and come running to their rescue, and if they fail to respond to “the call” all hell breaks lose. 

When conversing with others, the conversation is quickly directed to center around the negative happenings in their neck of the woods.  These near-sighted individuals only see what’s happening within their own four walls, while refusing to look out the window.  They fail to recognize that others around them may be hurting in their own world of trials and tribulations.  The focus of their vision is only on their own misfortunes; never seeing the needs of others. 

When people fail to jump through the hoops that the taker placed in front of them, or they refuse to dance to the music that was devised and orchestrated, disappointment and anger fester on the part of the taker.  Contempt wells up within their bosom and reigns supreme.  They never look into anyone else’s yard.  They choose not to see beyond their own world of calamity, while expecting others to cater to ungodly actions and unconscionable demands, just like a spoiled, immature child.

Takers that are angered, because they feel that someone has abandoned them in their time of crisis, need to stop and look at how often they themselves failed to take advantage of opportunities to minister to someone else’s need.  They should ask themselves these questions:  “How many times have I knocked on my neighbor’s door that met with misfortune?”  “How many times have I neglected to make that phone call to encourage someone that lost a family member or close friend?”  “How many times have I visited a widow that lost her husband; now struggling to make ends meet?”  “How many times have I visited someone in prison?” 

To this person’s way of thinking it’s always the other person that has shafted or turned their back on them.  The problem doesn’t lie with others, it’s in the heart of the one that is always expecting others to do for them—the taker. 

I respectfully submit the following paragraphs of advice, from a person that was also a taker; namely me.  After I became a Christian I found it more fulfilling to give than to receive.  The Lord is my strength and the reason I was able to turn over a new leaf four decades ago.

My first suggestion would be this:  Wake up!  The world doesn’t revolve around you or anyone for that matter!  Though we live in this world, the people in it are not obligated to lend a hand if they don’t want to.  Freedom of choice is ours to make.  So choose wisely the best ones that are right for you, but if they turn out to be the wrong choices, quit blaming everyone else for your blunders.  Stop expecting loved ones and friends to always show up at your “doorstep of problems” with a bouquet of flowers. 

Never forget, the actions that a person exerts will influence people, and people remember how they were treated.  Stop looking down your nose at them when they are not standing in your corner at all times.  Perhaps they had a previous engagement or commitment.  Keep it up and one day you may look around and find that you are truly standing all alone. 

Grow up and mature.  Learn to give away from yourself for a change.  Quit being a taker that perceives that everyone forsakes and abandons you when trouble knocks at your door.  Stand up for yourself by facing your problems head on, and make the necessary adjustments to your lifestyle that will ultimately change ongoing hurt that always follows you. 

Stop pulling friends and family down; using them up like toilet paper and then discarding them like the weekly trash when they don’t measure up to your expectations.  Chances are if you persist in this channel of behavior, friends may take flight saying, “Enough is enough!”  Stop for a moment and look closely into the mirror and realize that you need to change; and can do so if you so desire. 

You can redirect your thinking and personality to become a giver rather than a taker.  The Lord will help you.  You don’t want to end up with nothing, standing in life’s corridor alone.  Though you may have a bundle of money stashed somewhere, and able to purchase all the toys that money can buy, nothing can buy true happiness.  Without friends you will be of all people most miserable; living a pitiful existence.  You will be alone with only your toys to talk to. 

Redirect negative thinking and negative energy southward.  Place them under the heel of your foot and make a brand new resolution to refocus your vision off of your own circumstances and begin giving away from yourself.  Try it!  When you can do this, healing has a way of finding your address and bringing with it abundant living.  When you begin putting out your own fires that you started, rather than expecting everyone else to come along side and put them out for you, maturity finds its way to your house.

How one realizes that they are becoming a giver and not remaining a taker is when they exercise prudent thinking in their daily walk; disciplining self to see what’s happening around them; and standing ready to give a helping hand if needed.  Guarding against a selfish nature that wants to creep into daily living and steal the abundant life is a sure sign that maturity is coming into focus. 

As I grow older I look around and see senior citizens that grumble and complain about everything, having never found peace in well doing.  I do not wish to become as they; still having immature thinking in the area of self-absorption; expecting everyone around to bow to their every whim, and then complaining whenever the notion hits them, which is most of the time for takers. 

This unrestrained conduct is child-like behavior.  Pouting and throwing a tizzy until others make it right are traits of immaturity.  Even though a person is up in years, the childish antics that posses them is simply their refusal to change from the taker they have become to a giving person. 

I don’t know about you, but for me, I am going to strive with all that is within me to grasp hold of life before it passes, to become more of a giver than ever before.  We can all use help in the area of forgiveness and expectation of others by growing up and becoming thicker skinned so that others can stop tiptoeing around us. 

Let’s quit passing judgment and come back to, “Everyone is created equal.”  We can choose our station in life.  So let’s choose it.  All we need do is look through the eyes of Jesus and we will see more clearly how we can change our way of living to become a vessel that is pleasing to Him and more willing to give.  When we have done this, we will walk in newness of life.

(1 John 4:4), “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” 

(1 John 4:7), “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”

(Philippians 4:13), “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”