Personalities can be as different as night and day, yet compatible, however, there are personalities that, for whatever reason, clash with each other. Sometimes it’s very difficult dealing with a strong minded individual that causes a personality clash to occur. The person dealing with them may feel the urge to come to blows, because of their overbearing ways, which bring out the worst in people. Though it’s a challenge, the success to good communication begins by not yielding to this urge, or harboring a “get even” frame of mind.
It’s good for you and me to understand that all relationships are not made in heaven, because people differ in so many ways. It helps to grasp the significance of learning the art of coping and accepting another person for who they are. This is the test of one’s intestinal fortitude, with regards to meekness and longsuffering being maintained. It’s always better to respond with kindness rather than lack of respect. This practice turns away wrath as stated in (Proverbs 15:1). “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Everyone has days when they get up on the wrong side of the bed. You and I can not always know the pressures, influences, and hurts that another person may be going through. Because of this, we may clash with them, taking up an offence that we should have left at home under lock and key. We need to step back, take a deep breath, and ask ourselves, “How would Jesus deal with this situation?” This will help us do the right thing even though it’s hard to swallow our pride at times.
Every person has their ups and downs as well as their ins and outs. We must look deeper, beyond the hard-to-deal-with personality that clashes with ours. Wisdom is at work when we realize it could have been the environment they were raised in that is impacting their disposition. The manner in which they were raised, and by whom, can influence the way they react to people and how they communicate.
We cannot judge a person by their actions or the words they use until we walk a mile in their shoes. We may never know what makes them act the way they do, but we don’t have to fall into the same rut that they find themselves by coming down to their level.
People born with a silver spoon in their mouth and raised in a perfect, sterile environment with others catering to their every whim has an influence on personalities, whereas, some people struggle to make ends meet every day of their life. This too influences a person’s uniqueness. The many different things that happen to a person can have power over the way they interact with others.
Whether rich or poor, educated or not, the person we are is also influenced by the company we keep. The people we have known and the influence they had on us, coupled with the attitudes we posses are determining factors of how our personalities are molded and shaped.
Just because bad situations fall our lot does not mean that we are forced or even obligated to yield ourselves to a negative type of attitude and disposition, as some do. These are the people that usually remain focused on the negative elements that befell them in the past. They allow these memories to consume their being and dictate what kind of person they are.
It’s these personalities that we must learn to treat with dignity and respect; to afford them the courtesy of interacting gracefully and with honor. We are the bigger person for it. We can have a positive influence on them through the kindness we show.
So, the first step in promoting positive communication is to realize that a person’s upbringing and environment play a tremendous part in forming their personalities. Secondly, how we impact others depends upon our attitude and disposition that we display before them. We can be the means of helping people change by simply being nice.
Anyone can change with help from others. Most people having hardened personalities are accustomed to conflict and negative communication with those they have dealings with. It throws them a curve when respect is offered, with a professional, caring attitude. With God’s help, their personalities will improve as God uses us to help them change.
I was raised by parents who loved me and wanted the best for me, yet the attitude of my father was such that he failed to teach the value and blessings that family members can be; both immediate and extended family circles.
Dad was a good man; a man of integrity and principles, but he allowed his personality and convictions to rule his better judgment at times, especially when dealing with other personalities around him. It was his way or no way. He wore his feelings on his sleeve and was not willing to bend or adjust his thinking for anyone. He didn’t admit when he was wrong, nor did he have a forgiving spirit.
I am the last of four children born to my parents. My brother, the oldest of my siblings, is almost fourteen years my senior, while my two sisters are twelve and ten years older. They all married at an early age, leaving me to be raised alone by our parents.
I watched and listened as Mom and Dad taught me through word and deed as I grew into adulthood. I observed my father closely and came to the realization that who he was, I became. Things that I say and the attitude I posses, mirror Dad’s personality.
Some of these traits I’m trying to overcome. After becoming a Christian I have been striving to put off a pessimistic and cold hearted type personality that was characteristic in my dad. Rather than seeing the good in people and adjusting his temperament to sensitive situations, he chose to segregate himself, Mom and me from those he had disagreements with.
I remember as a child Dad writing letters to my siblings telling them of their erring ways, while talking about them and their problems in my presence at home. He took a hard stand and ceased to visit them until they apologized and cowed to his impetuous rejection.
I learned by his example that family wasn’t important. How sad is this? The attitudes with which we act and react to people have an influence on them and those that observe, either in positive or negative ways.
My aunts and uncles were ostracized by Dad if they disagreed with his philosophies. And again I was segregated from family; not being able to enjoy the pleasantries of cousins, aunts, uncles and a grandma and grandpa on my mom’s side of the family. Again, how sad is this? Remember, the decisions we make affect others around us.
I learned at an early age that being alone with my imaginations, philosophies, and inward thinking were more important than being around people that may not share my point of view.
This was indelibly etched within my subconscious, and I found myself being like Dad. Realizing these negative areas later in life, I have been striving to rise above pettiness, self indulgence and the temptation of not giving to others or listening to their opinions. I am trying to listen more and be sensitive to their personalities, while adjusting mine so that communication can flow more easily.
I’m finding the more I give away from myself, and accept the personalities and differences of others; my own life excels with happiness and appreciation for life. We can change and be a positive influence to the people around us if we put our mind to it. God helps us succeed in this area as we allow His influence to mold and shape us into His image.
(Philippians 4:13), “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Written by,
Papa Boyd
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