A New Beginning

I dislike having to do things over again.  I don’t mind putting in the time to complete something, but when it doesn’t turn out as I expected, I feel compelled to redo it until it’s right.  I subject myself to unnecessary internal battles, reprimanding myself for not being perfect.  That’s my analytical mind at work.

Being a perfectionist—precision-oriented—is, at times, my Achilles’ heel.  It’s hard not to criticize myself for making mistakes while constantly finding fault in my attempts to succeed.  I believe this mindset stems from my childhood, when it seemed nearly impossible to do anything that would truly please my dad.  He called it “reverse psychology,” believing his approach would push me to do better.  Instead, it created a lasting impression within me: that I was never quite good enough.

But God has given me a new beginning.  He has helped me accept the truth that I am not perfect—and that I don’t have to be.  He is reprogramming my heart and mind, teaching me to be kinder to myself and more patient than ever before.

Before choosing to follow Jesus, I was constantly searching for something to fill the void—to bring peace to my restless and dissatisfied soul.  I resisted change and avoided trying new things, yet deep down I knew something had to shift.  I couldn’t continue living under the same “not good enough” identity.  I felt trapped, repeating the same patterns, wondering if I would ever truly accept myself.

That’s what brings me to this moment.

God said, “Come as you are, and I will make you whole.”  His invitation spoke directly to the imperfections I had long wrestled with.  In my search for peace, I found Him—and everything began to change.

Now, I include God in all my endeavors.  Life flows more smoothly, like a well-oiled machine.  My self-criticism has softened, and my activities have become more productive—and even enjoyable.  Life has taken on new meaning since God became my confidant.

Instead of hearing, “You can do better,” I now hear, “You can do it.  I have confidence in you.”  The Holy Spirit is my strength and my comforter. 

What more could I ask for?

This is my new beginning—with Jesus by my side.

Written by, 

Papa Boyd