Friendship, what is it? I think it can be defined in two words; caring people—concerned about the hurts, needs, and desires of another person. Friendship is a two-way street, not just a one-sided affair. Mutual respect for each other is the door; when opened it creates a firm foundation upon which a relationship can be built. When care and respect prevail, positive results follow.
Sensitivity coupled with long suffering develops a calming attitude. This attitude levels out the ups and downs that accompany strained relationships, bringing understanding and love. This is the beauty of friendships in the quest for success.
It sounds like I am somewhat versed in the art of making friends. On the contrary, there was a time before I became a Christian that I refused to go the extra mile. I was not willing to be a friend to anyone. My attitude was, "Who needs them anyway?" My critical temperament made it impossible to form a lasting friendship. I stood aloof, expecting perfection not only in myself, but others.
My pious, self-sufficient ways and independent mannerisms shackled me from accepting anything from anyone. I determined early in life not to obligate myself. My philosophy was, "If I can't do it, it can't be done," and "If I want something done right, do it myself." I kept others at arm length by creating a lifestyle that was encapsulating, which insulated me from the touch of others.
I learned how to manipulate and use psychology, or should I say "slychology," to better my position in life. I took what I wanted and gave little in return. As time passed, pain filled my world. Loneliness was thick and covered me like a shroud. Everywhere I looked, searching eyes stared back at me. They were friendless people looking endlessly for someone to care for them. But I was only seeing the reflection of myself in their eyes. My bosom was crushing from the pressure of not having someone to call my friend.
I felt life was a living hell, though by the world's standard of success, I was successful. They were on the outside looking in and saw only what appeared to be success in the possessions that I owned: a new car, a three bedroom house, money in the bank, and a little black book with women's names and telephone numbers that offered only momentary pleasure, nothing lasting. What more could a man want: wine, women and song. What else was there?
True friendship had escaped my grasp. It was just out of my reach, though I longed to drink from its fountain. My quest for a sense of belonging sifted through my fingers like sand.
At the age of twenty-three, I examined closely the institution of marriage as a possible answer for the missing link to a more fulfilling life. So the quest to find Mrs. Right began. I looked here and there; high and low. Search as I may she was nowhere to be found. I was looking for her in all the wrong places. There were a few prospects, but nothing to write home to Mom about.
Reaching up to touch bottom and frustrated from the long, arduous, and unsuccessful search, I found myself on my knees next to my unmade bed. The last of the sun's rays shined through the smoke-stained windows in my bedroom. The eerie shadows on the wall only added to the loneliness I was feeling. My hands were clenched tightly together and resting against my quivering chin, as tears coursed down my cheeks.
I prayed, "You know where she is God, why don't you send her to me?" For the first time in my life I was asking someone for help. Ironic isn't it? As I verbalized my wants, I flashed back to my childhood and where I attended church down the road from our house.
I could see a couple of figures that were implanted in my memory; the Sunday school teacher at the church handing a small, inexpensive prize to a little boy that memorized a Bible verse that she had assigned the preceding Sunday. The boy was me.
As I was kneeling, that same scripture popped back into my head, "But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you," (Matthew 6:33). I believe that God was telling me to place Him first on my list of desires and not last. He was using these divine words to say that if I did this, He would give me the things I needed: joy, peace, happiness, and contentment. Priorities were certainly skewed when it came to God.
The devil quickly put doubts in my mind, saying, “Who’s kidding who here? You haven’t talked to God in years. What makes you think He’s going to take time out of His busy schedule to listen to you now?” Shortly after these thoughts came words that my Sunday school teacher shared with me, which began to sooth my questioning mind. She said, "God will always hear your prayer when you call upon Him; and when you need a friend the most, He'll be there."
Satan was lying to me! God did care! The Lord was waiting patiently for me to recognize my need for Him. He filled the emptiness in my heart that evening with peace. I knew beyond a doubt that everything was going to work out for me, and that I could trust God to be there when I needed Him. He understood and knew what I needed more than I realized it myself. I found a friend in Jesus!
(Proverbs 18:24), “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
A short time later God brought a young lady into my life that helped me to change my philosophy on life. There was something about her. It was love at first sight. She showed me that it was alright to give and to receive; to care for others; and allow them to care for me. She helped me to understand and express love, which had been missing in my life for so many years. God must have loved me a lot to give me such a wonderful helpmate. The Lord is using her to teach me how to be a caring person. I thank God for my wife; it’s a pure friendship.
The quest for happiness was successful the moment I placed God first in my life and not last on the long list of desires. He will do the same for you. I promise!
Written by,
Papa Boyd
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