Our little quirks and idiosyncrasies make us who we are. If a person thinks they have the right to find fault in others, they need only to look at themselves in a mirror. It is shocking how people expect near perfection in loved ones, yet go the extra mile to extend a wide range of liberties to co-workers, acquaintances, the person next door, and even someone else’s mother-in-law. “Why is this?” you might well ask.
Do they think loved ones that are closest to them are without feelings? Who set them up as the acceptable gauge or measuring stick by which to judge another person’s level of perfection and competence? Any person is as human as the next and subject to making mistakes.
I have seen people, while in a heated discussion, change their demeanor and attitude as soon as they answered a ringing telephone; emerging from a Gestapo type attitude into Mr. or Mrs. Good Guy, once they started chatting with the person on the other end. Their ability to become calm and collected speaks volumes about a person’s two faced attitude. It confirms in my mind that attitude is a choice, because a person can control insensitive behavior when they want.
Old cowboy and Indian movies that I watched as a boy were exciting and fun. One of the phrases I remember so well is, “You speak with a forked tongue.” Sadly, many people today speak with a forked tongue. No longer is it a playwright’s dialog; it is the nature that people choose to have when it is to their advantage. The grey area of truth seems to be in vogue; an acceptable way of living for some people. What happened to, “The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
Society is big on two faced conversations when it’s in their best interest. If there is no immediate payoff, or prize to be gained like jewelry, new clothing, furniture, sex, or other desired items; a man or woman simply allow their speech and attitude to fall under the heading of “Constructive Criticism.” But let the other party fire back with a bit of stored up ammunition that they had been saving for such a time, and it’s a different ballgame. World War III is under way until the telephone rings.
Some married couples tend to bring little white lies, poor attitude, and a bad disposition through the front door of their home. They then wonder why their marriage is failing to move forward in a positive direction with love and affection for each other. A marriage is what a man and woman put into it.
A person’s true character is revealed when things don’t go exactly as they think they should. Either they make an effort to control their emotions and words, or they become another person by yielding to a superior attitude, while their mate glares in disbelief asking, “Who is this person I married?” This speaks volumes about the character that people are allowing themselves to become—insensitive and crass. Where did the person go that put their best foot forward while dating; doing their best to impress the most important person in their life?
It’s a bit funny, yet sad when a person feels the need to change the personality of the one they fell in love with. They weren’t blind or in a comma when they committed themselves to that person in marriage, so why can’t they accept them for who they are now that the honeymoon is over, rather than trying to change them into someone they are not?
Memories can fade quickly when a person finally gets the sweetheart of their dreams and then loses sight of the important things that marriage represents. This happen when either partner fails to focus on the many wonderful things that drew them to their mate in the first place.
Remembering those outstanding qualities in the person we fell in love with will stand front and center when disagreements come. Keeping a mental list of each others shortcomings should never happen, though people do exactly that. This hurts the marriage, especially when reminding the other party at specific times when turbulence is looming.
For whatever reason, attitudes can emerge that cause a person to think their mate is unable to do things quite the way they want them done. Is this the only real test of love? My goodness; when are we going to mature and grow up? Is it that important they perform and do what we think they should? What happened to that desire and deep longing for a helpmate to love and support; having attributes that were lacking in us?
I remember doing things for my soul mate when I was courting her that I still do today. My desire is to please her and her desire is to please me. It’s not a 50/50 proposition; it’s a 100% giving of one’s heart to each other. In areas where she is weak, I have become her strength and she mine. I guard against throwing her weaknesses in her face when things fail to go right.
Love is long suffering and kind. As I accept her for who she is I realize all the more that I’m only half a person without her. I’ve learned to value and welcome her opinions and input in family matters regarding decisions that must be made. I allow her the latitude to be herself without trying to change the person she is. As I do this, she falls deeper in love with me and I with her.
If I were perfect, God would translate me into heaven like He did Enoch, (Genesis -24). Since I’m still around I must not be perfect. How then can I expect perfection in my mate and others when there are faults within me?
Every person has their special gifts and abilities as well as weaknesses. Where they are weakest, their mate may be strong, and vise versa. We sharpen each other’s abilities by giving one’s best to each other.
The character of a person speaks volumes when they least expect it. They determine, within themselves, to either be long suffering and kind; displaying love at all times, or to expect perfection in their counterpart; creating an environment of animosity and ill will. God desires that we love one another without dissimulation.
(1 Corinthians 13:1-13), “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.” vs.2 “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” vs.3 “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.” vs.4 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;” vs.5 “does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;” vs.6 “does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;” vs.7 “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” vs.8 “Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.” vs.9 “For we know in part and we prophesy in part.” Vs.10 “But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.” vs.11 “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” vs.12 “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.” vs.13 “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
How a person handles pressure, stress, disappointments, disagreements, misunderstandings, emergencies, and accidents, speak volumes of whether or not they believe and practice these scriptures.
Remembering who the person is and why we married them should be our primary focus. This keeps love alive and on track. We are far from perfect. It would behoove us to not think of ourselves having more knowledge, abilities, and common sense than our mate. A couple should love each other with the same love that Christ loves the church. Remember, He gave himself completely to the church in every way; including death.
When we focus on the qualities of our mate and dwell on the beauty of their character, the notion of trying to change them into someone else becomes mute and unimportant. After a time, a deeper, more committed love is kindled, because the other person’s qualities begin to outnumber and outshine their lesser ones.
A mate’s quality of being long suffering and kind takes hold of the heart. It causes an attraction much like the North and South Pole of two magnets. Opposites are drawn to each other. Lovers strengthen one another by the power of the love generated and the commitment to under gird the other person’s weaknesses. Each person makes the other one stronger as they pull together with the same intensity. This intensity is created when a couple is willing to go the extra mile rather than attempting to change who the other person is and expecting things from them they cannot give.
Does it really matter if the toilet lid is left up; toothpaste tube squeezed in the middle or the cap left off; lids left off of containers; leaving underwear and socks in the middle of the room, or leaving the shower door open? Every personality has its positive side as well as negative.
Accepting a person for who they are speaks volumes of who we are in Christ Jesus, and that we walk with Him in sincerity. When we disrespect and hurt our soul mate in any way, we are hurting ourselves, because two have become one flesh.
(Mark 10:6-9), “But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female.” vs.7 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,” vs.8 “and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” vs.9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Written by,
Papa Boyd
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