Do As I Say Not As I Do

This writing is not intended to be critical or abusive; it is only meant to stimulate one’s thinking.  I may sound harsh at times, but the contents, herein, will provide a glimpse into the real world of denial.

It is time for people, including myself, to consider the acceptable behavior in our lifestyle, and to become more accountable for the words and deeds that we allow.  There are children around us that are watching our every move and listening to the words we speak.

Analyze yourself for a moment and determine if there is anything in your life that you consider to be questionable behavior in the presence of children.  I’m talking about something that you can do without, but you choose or insist on keeping it as a part of your every day routine and habit.

Adults tend to justify their manner and method of living by saying, “It’s unfair that I have to give up something that I enjoy doing.  If I don’t have to change, I’m not going to.”  There is a natural defense mechanism that occurs when a person is too stubborn to change.  When confronted with the idea of using more acceptable language and proper actions in the presence of children, weakness of character is revealed by no action at all. 

I’ve never seen a person with a habit that didn’t enjoy doing it.  The intelligent, caring individual will take corrective and constructive measures to better themselves for the sake of others.

It’s easier not changing habits-of-living rather than implementing changes to one’s character.   The life style of those that satisfied the statuesque are not accustomed to hearing opinions that make them feel guilty for not changing.  When this occurs, their rebellious personality becomes paramount.  They dig in their heels and refuse to change, because of their indifference toward others and the “who cares” attitude.

“Why can’t I have a little fun?” is a defensive statement of the person facing change.  The adage, “I’m not hurting anyone” is a statement that is not true.  They justify their actions; because they refuse to believe that the things they are doing directly affect others around them. 

Almost everything we do in life has an affect on someone else.  Whether in a negative or positive way, there is an affect.  This influence can cause an automatic and predictable response in some people.  It can also bring a sense of wellbeing depending upon the quality of influence being revealed.

I believe a child’s foundation for learning is at risk of crumbling if an adult displays actions and statements that are unacceptable to God.  A child views an adult as their teacher, protector, and role model that should be making sound decisions—well-grounded.  All they want to be is just a kid; enjoying all that life has to offer. 

Sustaining a level of confidence in a young person’s mind takes work on the part of adults.  It is important to teach them to trust and respect those in authority.  If a double standard exists, feelings of resentment can surface, which will cause a child to lose respect for the person of authority.  Trust can be damaged, or lost all together if their confidence is shaken. 

If a child begins to question the integrity of the person in leadership position, little by little that child will cease to have a desire to follow their lead.  The child won’t be fooled for long when exposed to a “Do as I say not as I do,” type of environment.  They quickly become savvy when this kind of teaching exists.  They then rebel against authority.

“Do as I say not as I do,” is a cliché that fails to provide proper training for the youth in society.  This country is becoming an environment where some adults have either relinquished their responsibility as parents, or they have become a dictator, ruling with double standards rather than a sensitive, tender heart to meet the needs of their offspring.

When a child observes their parents, school teachers, and government leaders insisting on living one way themselves, yet demanding young people to toe the line of right doing, it doesn’t compute in the mind of a street-savvy kid.  They desire someone to show a little kindness; provide proper guidance; and understand what their needs are.

I believe that hypocrisy in adults and parents promote defiance; a failure to communicate; a lack of academic achievement; a lack of morality; and the loss of self esteem in children that are searching for role models.  Double standards shake the very foundation and tear at the fiber of stability that our youth are entitled to have.

Why is it right for an adult or parent to speak and act in a questionable manner, because their age allows them to do so?  Just because the law permits an adult to do certain things, or the majority of people in a crowd says that it’s alright to do something; it does not necessarily make it right, especially when a child is looking on.

Children, through their acts of disobedience, are saying, “Bull!”  They hate the “double standard card” that is being dealt to them.  Kids are tired of the “Do as I say not as I do” standard that some adults and parents are cramming down their throat.

Parents can fail to be the example of stability, and school personnel can fail in their attempts to stimulate a child’s learning, but when the hands of teachers and administrators are tied by state regulations, it prevents needed discipline from being administered to students that are disorderly and disruptive. Not being able to discipline these students allows unruly behavior to dominate the classrooms and the educational system. 

When our country’s leaders fail to be the examples of steadfastness, honesty, and integrity, how can we expect anything different from our kids?  They learn by example.  Rebellion and unrest is tormenting children like never before in the history of this great nation.  Double standards are alive and well, especially in homes where adults insist on keeping these standards, with a sign DO NOT DISTURB in front of them.  This influence will always slam a child’s fingers in the door of learning.

When T.V. evangelists succumb to sins of the flesh and lose the respect of their faithful followers, how can we expect the foundation of a child not to be shaken.  The irony and crux of the matter is that children believe there are fewer and fewer adults available to pattern their life after, because of the double standards they see in adults.  Kids figure, “They are no better than me!”

When corruption fills our law enforcement agencies, it erodes the trust that children have for authority.  The news media makes sure that all the slime and dirty details of improprieties are broadcasted over the airwaves.  When a police officer fails to abide by the same laws that they are sworn to uphold, children cry, “Foul!” The double standards they observe create even more of a disdain for authority. 

When a parent steals from their place of employment and brings the item home, bragging about what they did in the presence of their children, what does this teach impressionable, young minds?  It certainly isn’t, “Thou shall not steal!” 

The “Do as I say not as I do” rhetoric has reached epidemic proportion among adults in this day in which we live.  Where has the pride of being an upstanding citizen gone?  To where did integrity and honor disappear?  Which toilet flushed the respectability that people once had?  This willful display of dishonesty and corruption is affecting the youth of our land in a negative and sometimes sinister way!

Plagiarism and cheating has stooped to an all-time low in our schools, because of the ease of internet accessibility to other people’s writings and even answers to exam questions.  High schools and colleges are turning out more undeserving graduates than ever before.  Students have cheated their way through universities via the hard work of others.  They claim stolen work as their own. 

Is honesty lost forever?  Is the explanation for students disregard for truth and honesty due to the double standards by which they were raised?  A full circle has finally come around, because of those that taught their children by the example of double standard living.

Where has the teachings of right and wrong gone?  Ask the parents!  Where has the “paddle of understanding” been buried?  Ask the courts of our land!  Where has the Ten Commandments that give good, moral direction been tossed?  Ask the Christians who stood by and said nothing, while atheists protested against prayer and the Ten Commandments being displayed in classrooms!  Why are children in this present generation rebellious?  Ask some of the parents that refuse to provide adequate care for their children!  They allow social workers to place them in foster homes for someone else to influence, or it becomes a court order to do so!   

Some of these abused, unwanted children break away from their own homes, or the homes they have been placed in, and hook up with gangs that become their family circle.  It’s there that they find a sense of belonging.  It’s there that they learn to beat and kill other kids for wearing the wrong color.

I heard my father-in-law say many times, “We’ve got to get back to the basics!”  I believe the basics that he was referring to is Christianity; living by the laws that God gave to Moses—the Ten Commandments.

Retrieving the paddle from where it was buried would definitely help.  Without accountability there is no responsibility.  Children need to be taught, in love, what it means to be accountable for their actions, without the “Do as I say not as I do” double standard.

The family unit pulling together in the same direction is basic living.  Removing the DO NOT DISTURB sign in one’s life is a wonderful start toward getting rid of the double standard.  When this is done it will provide children with the security and closeness that is needed as they grow into adulthood.

We can all find something to get rid of in our life.  We can quit those unnecessary habits that influence young eyes and ears in negative ways—those that emulate what they see.  With help from God we can kick undesirable things to the curb that found a foothold in our life.  God helps anyone that desires to change—overcoming habits and addictions.

By looking into the eyes of those watching our life, it will give us a reason and incentive that motivate change.  The “Do as I say not as I do” mentality will find its rightful place in the garbage can with all the other unwanted things.  As new influences become a part of our every day walk, we will see positive results and changes taking place in the ones we love most.

(Proverbs 22:6), “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Written by,

Papa Boyd